Have you ever looked down into a pool of water and had no reflection to show? Ever looked into a mirror and could see no one, not even yourself? I reached that point 20 years ago right after my brother took his own life. We were close and I cannot ever remember he or I having a cross word to say to the other. As the weeks passed by I grew increasingly despondent, until finally at the bottom of this particular journey I just wanted out of this miserable world. While I never actually made an attempt to take my own life, the thought at that time in my life was very strong. Brother took his life on a Christmas night, and on a Christmas day 1 year later while getting ready to spend the day with family and friends, I was standing in front of a big mirror trying to shave and pull myself together. This was my bottom, I fell completely apart, I seen for the first time a broken man, unable to move or even take a step. Seeing myself that way I began to talk with my Creator--Father, if this is the way I am to spend this day--so be it. But if not, I pray for the strenth to pull myself together and get going. At the end of the day, I not only had a good day, but was well on my way to becoming a whole person once again. Thank you Father.

One of my brother-in-laws called me last night to pick my brain about the fishing on a lake in Oregon. Since the wife and I used to live at waterfront on this lake, I spent literally 100's of hours in the boat chasing the illusive Rainbow trout. Toward's the end of our residence on the lake, alot of the times while out trolling it was not uncommon to have one or more boats following me around. The local boat and tackle shop was telling those that asked to follow the little blue boat at the other end of the lake. Fish like people, are not all alike. They have certain likes and dislikes just like us humans have. And if you really want to catch a boat load of fish, obviously you have to give them what they want when they want it. Brother-in-law and a friend of his fished the lake yesterday and did not catch a fish. Bummer! I'll not get into all the details about how you would fish this lake, but the first question I asked of him was--which way was the wind blowing. And the wind yesterday was coming from the wrong direction to catch fish. Their is something very spiritual about being on a beautiful mountain lake chasing mother nature's treasures. This particular brother-in-law is a Baptist preacher--amongst other things, all good of course. Lets see at the end of the day if he and his friend are going to just eat for the day, or eat for the rest of their lives. Remember the story?

at those times in my life when fear was at the forefront, 99% of all that worry was very, very, needless. At the beginning of our marriage my wife occasionally would say--"you cannot worry and pray at the same time." Makes sense does it not? How can you be thinking about an imagined "boogie man" and talking with God at the same time? When you have shared with the Father that which you feel you need help with, right then is the time to leave it in his hands. For if you continue to fret about the situation, then you have not given it completely over to him. Believe me you will have lots of things to fret about, and pray about. So keep at bay things you worry about, by praying about the situation first off, and secondly after you have talked with the Father about it, leave it with him. Do not take it back out of his hands by continuing to fret about the situation. Leave it with him, he is much more capable of dealing with any circumstance than we are. If you say Father take away my difficulties, and then in the next breath you are wondering how on earth you will ever fix this situation, once again you have taken it out of his hands. Father, I just thank-you for this another beautiful spring day, for it is in your precious name that I pray these and all things, Amen.

For those of you who may be thinking of checking out early--don't do it! This is my take on suicide---(not my words)--a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Most of us that have been around for a few years have thought at one time or another of taking our own lives. A few of us have even tried to do this, and some have actually got the job done. We have had three such events in my family. First, my brother took his life after a divorce that left him terribly depressed. He left behind a devastated mother and father, four very young children, a brother and two sisters. Secondly an uncle took his life for basicaly the same reasons as brother took his. Thirdly our middle daughter took her own life two years ago. Hers behind a series of relationships gone bad and a mix of both street and prescriptive drugs. Don't do this! You cannot possibly realize the damage you will do to those who love and cherish your life. The real victims of suicide are those that you will leave behind. So I beg of you this day to get professional help. Think of someone other than yourself. I am not saying that those that are living with a terminal diease should not do this. But even then great thought and sharing with family should be done first. It is my greatest hope that some where out there someone will read this, and seek professional help for this a "permanent soulution to a temporary problem".